Sofa Giver and the Straight Chronicles

It’s noticeably criminal. Pothead is getting a bit too much exposure in this blog than she deserves. Even her own show in QTV 11 doesn’t give her that much favor. But do watch May Trabaho Ka every Sunday at 8:00pm – this is my way of paying her back, cos I haven’t seen an episode properly. I might get my name scratched off the acknowledgement list… that’s my closest chance at stardom.

Moving on. This entry is dedicated to a high school friend of ours, who thought I copied the entries in my blog from anonymous writers and pasted them here as some sort of “collection”. “Ah, ikaw ba sumulat ng mga yon?” she asked with bulging eyes. “Hindi nga? Seryoso?” I’m calling her Sofa Giver.

Sofa Giver has this fixation. She often falls for the straight ones. She’s a novice bisexual and had two failed attempts at straight women. I’ve had one failed attempt at a straight girl back in college (Hi, Ryzza.) and never attempted again, that’s why I have great respects for sofa giver, she has this never say die attitude (kinda like Pothead’s Hala Kari Syndrome). Oh well, they’re only straight until they’re gay, right?

Gave up a boyfriend, sofa giver did, for a 19 year old, who probably thinks kiss is an acronym that stands for Keep It Short and Simple (call center experience?). The problem with teenagers, every little form of kilig for them equates love. It’s not about the age, fine, but one qualification that’s mandatory before dating a kid is that she must know who Puma Ley-Ar is, or Okirampa, or can at least hum the jingle of Seiko Seiko Wallet. The gap does have an impact even if you’re both born in the 1980’s.

For a mere span of less than a month, they dated, or “hung out”. At least my 15 year old lasted for more than two months (FYI: I was 19, still was young and stupid, but I did love her. I gave her all those posters of Hanson that we have lying around the house ready to serve their purpose as pamparikit ng apoy, and she was very happy. She thought it was sweet… aww…) And Pothead’s pedophile relationship lasted for a year and two months (no, she was never sent to jail during that time). All the girl did was turn Sofa Giver’s brain into a den of chaos. Sleepless nights were now a routine, plus the freebie of constant psycho dramatic thinking.

The deal with straight people is that they can love you, but they can never fight for you. Well, there are exceptions to the rule of course, but more often than not, that’s the way it goes. They’re like nakikidawdaw sa mundo ng mga hindi tuwid because they can’t find what they are craving for from the opposite sex. They have expiration dates, they’re like only gay until this age, or until they get caught by their folks, or until they feel like building a family with the same sex is not a possibility. Bunch of users. Bunch of lion snakes. Thank God I’m a lesbian.

Fortunately, Sofa Giver is now coping, after finding out that the girl now has a new boyfriend, she actually is moving on. She now has a new “crush” (so elementary, what is this 2nd grade?) and unsurprisingly, the girl is also straight. My, oh my, good luck to you and your own version of masochism.

And as for me, I’ll get killed for this. Hey, at least I dint mention your name. This is what you get for thinking I’m a plagiarist. He-he.